Illuminate Day 8 - Seeing God by the Light of His Word - A 14 day devotion

Day 8 - Perfect

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Day 8 - Perfect

“I am called to live in such a perfect relationship with God that my life produces a yearning for God in the lives of others, not admiration for myself. Thoughts about myself hinder my usefulness to God. God’s purpose is not to perfect me to make me a trophy in His showcase; He is getting me to the place where He can use me. Let Him do what He wants.”

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost For His Highest

“God - His way is perfect; the word of the Lord is pure. He is a shield to all who take refuge in Him. For who is God besides Yahweh? And who is a rock? Only our God. God - He clothes me with strength and makes my way perfect.”

Psalm 18:30-32

For years my soul waged war with an inner perfectionist living in me. Up until recently I didn’t recognize the silent war in my soul.

Outwardly, I didn’t appear a typical perfectionist. I liked things neat and tidy, but I could leave a mess for later. If you opened my drawers, chaos greeted you. I could end a project with good enough, knowing it could always be better, but seeing that an end must come, and I must move on. I wasn’t detailed-oriented.

I was unaware that I could be an internal perfectionist, and yet could wear an exterior that told a different story until my body spoke loud and clear, making what hid inside find an escape out.

I found myself in the emergency room shortly after our family moved from North Carolina to Nebraska. A visit to the doctor revealed I had a nasty stomach ulcer. When I inquired how I developed this ulcer, the doctor asked me if I was under stress. My answer was an emphatic no.

He asked me about my life. I shared how it was our first year homeschooling, we’d just moved across country, our children had a hard time adjusting, and divulged how my husband was in a new job. But no. I wasn’t stressed at all.

With a gentle smile the doctor asked about my childhood. As I shared my past and my hopes for my own children and our future, it was clear to us both that my quest for perfection made me sick.

My little girl dreams of a perfect family, with me serving the role of the perfect wife and the absolute best mom, drove me daily.

My first born nature was to achieve and succeed with passion, and drive, and determination. And when I reached the bar, I raised it.

I strove to prove myself worthy, to validate my roles and positions, to find identity in all the wrong places, even as a believer.

In my personal quest for perfection, I created idols. The idol of family, ministry, home, and work. I worshipped at the altar of Instagram, Facebook, and Pinterest, or words of acknowledgement from the ones I served.

In my strive for perfection, I could at times leave no room for the perfect God because I worked too hard to be my own god.

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